The Native Californians living in the San Francisco Bay area had unknowingly crossed paths many times. A mutual friend who was in orchestra with Dale thought they should meet. Dale didn’t like the idea of a set-up so the friend had to work covertly (and persistently)!

He kept arranging for them to meet (a party, a dinner…) but they never seemed to show up at the same time in the same place. A year and a half later, they finally met. They hit it off but Dale didn’t call Shela after their meeting.

A few months later, a different mutual friend asked Dale about Shela. He smiled and recalled how fun she was when they met. A date was set and “the rest is history.”

Over time, Shela and Dale came to realize how closely connected their lives were… it seems they were bound to meet… eventually! These connections facilitated their meeting and have supported their relationship.

The couple had an idyllic life in the Bay area until a series of setbacks caused significant financial hardship. They decided they needed a change… so they packed up their things and moved to Richmond. Friends questioned their decision.

That questioning continued when the couple bought their “fixer upper.” What started as minor renovations became a three year full-blown, life-disrupting renovation project (and, at times, nightmare) that tested the couple’s patience and disrupted their routine.

Dale is a magnificent cook (except of eggplant — the couple share a mutual disdain for the vegetable) and part of their routine is to spend time together as Dale prepared dinner and linger over the meal chatting and reconnecting. That’s really hard to do when your house is in disarray and you work with a makeshift kitchen (think microwave and hotplate) for 7 months. The couple lost this important routine and started to lose part of their magic.

The couple needed to address the crisis that led to their move and adjust to their new city (you know, since Richmond is a little different than San Francisco) – all while living in a house that failed to provide the comfort they needed. Dale and Shela were at a critical point in their relationship.

Both began making conscious efforts to reconnect and regain the intimacy that had typically characterized their relationship. About that time, Shela began to write a book (Frequent Foreplay Miles: Your Ticket to Total Intimacy) about their philosophy of marriage which sustained them during their hardships.  The concept: be kind, thoughtful and sweet to one another — gaining as many miles (frequent foreplay) as you can while losing as few as possible.

It worked. The couple regained what began to falter and keep going strong (their beautiful new kitchen and completed renovations don’t hurt either). They purposely spend time every day connecting and celebrating the love they have.

this relationship has given me the chance to see the world through more generous eyes

The couple enjoy time with Shela’s daughter who has since relocated to Richmond and their wonderful grandchildren. They are doting grandparents, an unexpected and life-transforming gift for Dale. Spending time with them has opened up a new world for him. It also compels him to share his talents in volunteer efforts involving music and gardening with youth.

Each night, they enjoy time together with Dale cooking and Shela and Dale chatting and catching up. Shela can’t wait to walk in and see Dale. The couple discuss the importance of routine check-in in this video.

This article is published on Shela and Dale’s 13th wedding anniversary: February 20 (the couple were married in 1999 after meeting in 1996). Congratulations! We wish you many more years of happiness.

Coming Thursday, February 23 in the Hot Healthy Love series –

Charlie and Denis:  Shared Values, Strong Love (and Enough Differences to Keep it Interesting)

Previous Love Stories:

April and Joe

Alice and Calvin

John and Julie

Lisa and Dorothy

Nicole and Rodney

To learn more about this promotion, click here.

Because of the nature of our safe house, families living under the same roof share more than their understanding to each other’s situation.  Both adults and children have been affected with all kinds of difference illnesses, and our supplies in our medicine cabinet are running low.  We are also using up our cleaning supplies at a record pace, trying to keep the house germ free.

We are in great need of over-the-counter medicines and cleaning supplies, such as:

• Cold Medicines for Adults & Children – both day and nighttime remedies
• Acetaminophen / Ibuprofen – for both adults & children
• Cough Medicines
• Tissues
• Hand Sanitizer  
• Cleaning Supplies with Bleach (wipes, sprays, etc.)
• Paper Towels

 (To see our full Wish List, click here http://www.safeharborshelter.com/get-involved/help-us-thrive/donate-goods/)

If you and/or your group can help us out, that would be wonderful.  Donation drives can easily be set up among your workplace, faith group, school, or community organization.  No donation is too small!! 

Please contact Jodi Ottaviano, Development Manager, directly at jodi@safeharborshelter.com for more information. 

Thank you, and stay well!

Lauren Clark at Vagina Monologues

Safe Harbor continued a long-standing relationship with the University of Richmond’s performance of the Vagina Monologues this year. 90% of the shows proceeds were given to Safe Harbor to support our efforts to aid those impacted by sexual and domestic violence and promote healthy relationships and healthy sexuality.

Safe Harbor staff spoke at the beginning of each performance and volunteers staffed a table with information about the agency. The play was performed February 13 and 14.

A summary of the event with content from Public Information Manager Angela Verdery was included in the University of Richmond’s Collegian. Click here to read.

We are so grateful for this partnership!!! Thank you to all who attended the show.

It’s like watching a movie… and I get to keep watching.

Jacquelyn Smith-White, Nicole and Rodney’s co-worker, nominated the couple for inclusion in the Hot Healthy Love Series. She has a unique vantage point in their lives… and she likes the movie!

Many folks regard working with their spouse as too difficult. Then again, most didn’t meet at work. They are supportive, professional and fair when they agree and disagree at work attests Jacquelyn in her nomination. The setting that provided the backdrop for their movie continues to bind them together.

Also drawing them together is a commitment to community. Both work to promote healthy communities at their day jobs. This is more than a job to both Rodney and Nicole; it is a calling and passion. They go on mission trips, coach basketball, lead Girl Scout troops, provide leadership to youth in their faith community… and generally serve as role models and mentors to those around them.

Nicole and Rodney are “one son short of the Brady Bunch” as they described it when I met with them. Their blended family has children from ages 15 to 25 (2 boys, 3 girls) and is rich with kindness, love, and understanding.

Navigating life with two parents working full-time, fulfilling multiple community commitments, and supporting 5 children in their endeavors requires coordination… and, more importantly, solid communication. Rodney and Nicole emphasized the importance of respectful communication in their relationship. Learn more about their communication (and their story) in this video.

Both also know it’s important to serve as role models for a healthy relationship to their children. Their kids know they are very much in love. They get to see a strong man and strong woman in strong, healthy love. This legacy and example are important to set the stage for healthy relationships for each of their children.

While it is challenging with all of their commitments, Nicole and Rodney also take time for just the two of them. This is easier some days than others and it has served to help them renew and sustain their relationship.

You may see them teaching about prevention, leading a Girl Scout troop, cheering on an AAU game… chances are, you’ll see them making a difference in the world. And making a difference to all that get to witness their love story. Enjoy!

Coming Monday, February 20 (their anniversary!):

Shela and Dale: Brought Together by the French Horn; Kept Together by Frequent Foreplay

Previous Love Stories:

April and Joe

Alice and Calvin

John and Julie

Lisa and Dorothy

To learn more about this promotion, click here.